So I’m taking a break at work, and I know that I promised to blog about solutions to all of America’s problems, but it is taking much longer than I thought, since it’s not as easy as you think to fix the world. I’m also kind of upset that my camera can’t download my Halloween pictures. Yes, Halloween has passed already, but I still haven’t said goodbye to it properly!
So without further ado…enjoy a good laugh with me!
5. The best opportunities and excuses to talk to the opposite sex without needing to think of an opening
Last year I was riding on the T to a Halloween party, with one of my buddies, who just happened to be dressed up like Russell Brand. On the next stop, a large group got on and completely randomly, a Katie Perry sat down right on the seat next to the aforementioned friend! Now, if he did not already have a girlfriend, what an opportunity for him to make his move! Probably this would work even better at a bar or club. Imagine a Katie Perry dancing, and a Russell Brand just coming up to her…who needs pickup lines when Halloween fate has showed you what to do already? Only on Halloween!
4. Scantily-clad, drunk, random chicks walking home in the pouring snow, who are so desperate to get home that they want to hitchhike in my car.
This happened last Friday night. I was driving 4 of my friends home while it was freezing and snowing outside, when I almost ran over a couple of kittens…err rather cute college-aged girls, near BU campus, who looked totally miserable, but happily drunk. They then proceeded to knock on my window, momentarily frightening me to think that I actually did hit one of them. Not to worry…they merely wanted a ride home. I can’t say I blame them… I was in my car, and my sneakers were still soaked through and I was miserable, so I can’t imagine how they were feeling, so I can totally see their desperation. Unfortunately, I had no more space in my car. Bummer…how often do random girls just ask a guy for a ride out of the blue! Had I met them 10 minutes later, I could have kept them warm and gotten them home safely and gotten to know them a bit, and…you never know what would have happened next, and unfortunately, neither do I!
3. The irony of someone dressed up as an inmate or a cop getting arrested
How funny would it be for someone dressed up as an inmate to have a bit too much to drink and then drive home, only to get caught? Can you imagine what that sobriety test and subsequent arrest would look like? I’m usually not the jerk laughing at the misfortunes of others but such coincidental irony does sound kind of hilarious, and pretty embarrassing for the detainee, admit it! Or, think about this one…a group of roommates host an party where there is underage drinking. They are all dressed up as cops, and take full advantage of the excuse of Halloween to act like cops without getting prosecuted for impersonating one until… they get busted by the real cops and arrested for keeping a disorderly house and for furnishing alcohol to minors. A cop arresting a look-alike cop would provide such a sight, and I’d bet money that this has happened before for Halloween!
2. Images such as this one:
You know what? I was that costume too! Dressed up as Whitey Bulger, I was naïve enough not to understand that prisoners probably don’t have pockets in their pants (makes sense once it is too late, right? So I had to wear jeans under my orange jumpsuit. Unfortunately, this jumpsuit zips all the way up. So if my phone rang or I received a text, or even just to grab my wallet or car keys, I had to basically unzip my whole top, and then stick my hand down my orange pants to reach my jeans’ pockets. As I was fumbling around here, my hand made it appear like I was having a boner! It didn’t help that my buddy kept making fund of me by saying that I looked like a pedophile, due to a certain Facebook status mentioning Halloween candy, kids, pedophiles, and Michael Jackson. Anyways…it’s pretty sad to make the choice of excusing yourself to the bathroom every time you need to return a text, or risk strangers thinking that you are suddenly having an orgasm inside your pants!
1. The excuse to cheat on your significant other
True story that I hear on the radio while driving home from work last night: A guy dressed up as Batman went to party with his girlfriend. Imagine his horror when sometime during the party, he finds his girlfriend making out…with another Batman! However, she told her boyfriend that she thought that it was him and that she got confused! Now, I understand that people get pretty wasted at Halloween parties, but to not recognize your own boyfriend, even in a mask? Come on. The excuse, however, is so creative and brilliant and so almost believable that it has me rolling over in laughter!
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